In 8 days I have re-lived in various forms 3 of the most significant/traumatic events of my life.

Fight or flight, intense numbness - a balloon let go, physical pain awakened in my body, memories coming to life with the roles reversed.

I’ve been here before - intense circumstances that resemble a crumbling, a breaking down. The floor being ripped out from underneath, a synchronicity of events that could only have been delivered from the Divine whether they are a perceived good or bad. They’ve landed.

And even though I’ve been here before - this time feels different. There’s a trusting and a surrendering at the base of it. A knowing deep within, beneath all the anger, the f - you moments {there’s been many} a solid foundation that keeps whispering ‘the initiation.’

The space before the rise.

The crumbling that must occur to make space for what is coming in. The pain that hasn’t been processed, that is taking up space, gripping, clinging, holding on - has no choice but to be dissected and experienced. Cleansed, cleared, dismantled.

‘If you want to become full,
let yourself be empty,
If you want to be reborn,
let yourself die.
If you want to be given everything,
give everything up.’

And so I sit with this rite of passage, this sacred voyage - the space before.