These past few months have seen huge shifts. I swear I say that every couple of months but seriously the shifts get bigger + bigger, + I go deeper + deeper. I get more + more curious about myself. Digging in + in. It's the journey of this life, to learn more about the self, to know it in it's depth. In it's entirety. It's an on-going journey, an evolution, a peeling though the layers. It's the practice.
Recently I was reminded of when I left India + my Guru said to me two things...one was -
I received his wisdom, put it in my back pocket + let it sit there because honestly I didn't want to question everything. It sounded exhausting. I wasn't ready, I was going through a different process at that time, I wasn't ready for that layer. And of course here I am pushed to question everything. The Universe isn't allowing me to ignore it anymore. Questioning everything. Everything I believe to be true, what is actually mine, what are others judgements, opinions, triggers + graciously asking those be cast aside. What are my judgements, what are my defaults, what are my patterns, my cycles.
This process of growth is uncomfortable, it can be messy, its emotional...I can honestly say I've been uncomfortable for the past six years. When something starts to feel comfortable, the next layer comes in and I'm uncomfortable again.
It sounds messy, it sounds painful, a lot of discomfort and it is all of that but what is on the other side is so far from that. There is freedom + love, + more freedom, + more love. I have never been more me, I've never felt so in the flow with life, I've never felt more beautiful, more in my feminine essence. I see fine lines forming around my eyes of 38 years and it fills me with joy. I have lived, I have experienced, I've chose love + taken leaps + those are reminders of that. And when I notice myself choosing fear, I dig in. I dig into the pattern, the discomfort, the what's possible + fall more + more in flow.
When we land into the flow of life we become a vessel for life to move through us. There's joy, fluidity, softness, ease, sadness, discomfort...all of it - the flow is in landing in the stillness that is our essence that sits below it all. The witness, the observer, the one watching it all....the part that is unchanging + coming back to it again + again.