I'm in the stage of processing.
The type of processing that occurred after my time in India. 
The same processing that landed me in weeks of stillness after Glastonbury.
The form of processing that sends me into floods of tears, releasing, letting go. Weeping + breaking down. Over + over again.

Processing a weekend of medicine, a weekend of parts of me being broken open. A weekend of love, openness, compassion, triggers + judgements. A weekend of me seeing the parts where I'm holding back, where I'm placing guards, where I'm repressing the dark parts of the self, where I'm opening a little more, where I'm allowing my heart to be broken open, where I'm allowing another to penetrate my soul. 

A weekend of me seeing every little part - it's scary. It's necessary. 

When we witness the self, when we dig into the self, when we recognize our own patterns, our belief systems, our triggers, where we are holding ourselves back.
It becomes medicine.
Medicine for the soul,
Medicine for life,
Medicine for healing,
Medicine for letting go,
Medicine to step into the highest self.

Because on the other side of witnessing the dark, the light, all the parts of us is freedom, is love. When we bring into our awareness all of the parts, e v e r y  l i t t l e  p a r t there is opportunity to shift the belief, to rewrite the story, to recognize where there might be fear, where you might be holding back + in that awareness there is a choice to move forward in another direction. 

How we are in one area of our life is how we are in them all. 

What showed up for me was ultimately where I was half in. Where I was holding on to vulnerability trauma, where I was holding onto fear + in that realization there is a release, a shedding. 

It might have been the embrace of a lover, being seen, witnessed or it might have been the cleansing + clearing of a shaman as she beat my body with Limpia branches, brushing the trauma from my right side through my heart + out my left arm. Releasing what was no longer mine. What once was my medicine, but is now my poison as I am being guided to open more, to expand more, to break my heart open more, to open fully into vulnerability + to let the light pour in. 

It might have been the light of the balsamic moon, it might have been the combination of all these things + so I sit with my releasing, I sit with my heart, with my soul, with all the parts that healers, lovers, guides have brought to the surface......

I sit with my medicine.