For some reason I've put off writing this one, I keep moving on + then being pulled back. Hearing that little whisper in my heart.

Write the damn post. 

Maybe it's because it was one of the hardest truths for me to swallow, maybe part of me still doesn't want to accept it - our devastation, hardship, brokenness is our gift. It's our gift?

The first time my life coach said this to me I swallowed hard + tried to understand what she was saying. All the hurt, anguish, horrible things that have happened in this lifetime - that's my gift? Some profanities came to mind but instead I let a little bit of what she was saying in + the rest I wasn't ready for. I wasn't ready to except that as truth. 

Over the past few years I have heard it come up in podcasts, seminars, personal development books. Our shit, our mud - is our gift. I slowly started to come around, still not at the point where I was willing to say my heartache, my pain was my gift but willing to be open to the idea. It really started resonating with me when a woman was up on stage at Wanderlust Whistler doing her talk + said she had experienced sexual trauma in her 20's + that was her gift. I was shocked. How could she say that was her gift...but at the same time how amazing that this woman in front of loads of people expressed what a lot of us would feel as shame, guilt + anguish - as her gift. Beautifully empowering. 

The statement holds so much pain but when you really start digging in to it, our desperation + hurt is what in the end pushes us to the light. It is what makes us dig deeper.

'The lotus is a flower that grows in the mud. The thicker + deeper the mud, the more beautiful the lotus blooms.'

The lotus only grows in mud - a beautiful flower emerges from deep, dark mud. The truth that holds true for the lotus holds true for us. Each one of us has our darkness, our deceit, our hurt...it is what pushes us down into our deepest, darkest moments. And that's when we dig deep for our self, for our God, for anything to pull us out of the darkness. That's when we surrender. That's when our body, our mind, our soul gives in +  slowly....thats when we start to crack. With each crack, each sliver, the light starts to come in + a more beautiful version of ourselves starts to emerge. 

We cannot come to the light without experiencing the dark. The darkness, the mud, the stuff that we all try to avoid...embrace it, be thankful for it - even if it makes your whole body squirm because one day it won't. One day it will be the reason you get on that stage + inspire others to dig into theirs, it will be the reason you find your why. Your purpose. The hurtful lovers, the parents that didn't know any better, the bully, the trauma...it's all the stuff that pushes you closer to your truth.  

It is what fills your heart with compassion + humility + allows you to share your unique voice. Your gift. 

No mud. No lotus.